Legend of the Liver bird

In the news: Liverpool FC desire to copyright their world famous crest. For some reason the larger community on Merseyside – which will include Everton and Tranmere fans, I’m just saying – are perturbed by this perfectly natural assimilation of a symbol of their city. I mean, the Liver bird, if anyone recognises it at all, is principally known for its starring roles in the European Cup (5 times!) and its domination of the English First Division circa 1985.




Think, moreover, what great risks Liverpool FC run if they do not protect their brand in this basic and sensible way! Given that the colour red is, sadly, outwith the remit of the courts, the badge is the only thing that will guarantee that you are watching the real Liverpool. Can you imagine? You turn up to watch a ‘glamour friendly’ at your local junior team: Stoneybridge Juniors vs. Liverpool! What a matchup! Only for you and your fellow fans to notice something amiss about 20 minutes in.

‘I hadn’t realised that Gerrard was so short!’
‘That Jamie Carragher just used his left foot!’
‘The linesman’s outpacing Torres! And he appears to be a tall blond lady, teetering on high heels!’

And then it hits you. This isn’t the real Liverpool F.C. It’s just a team of copyright thieves and Fernando Torres, conning the hard-working public out of its money. This would never, could never happen if only they had been allowed to copyright their emblem in a neat, legal way.

That, I’m afraid, is not all. There is a huge market for memorabilia for every football team, and Liverpool is one of the tops. Who knows what kind of money the American owners of LFC have lost out on because of counterfeit – counterfeit and therefore dangerous, don’t let’s forget – tea towels, mugs and pencil cases? DVDs of glory years, great players. Can you imagine what horrors await if image rights are not protected? Cheap C4 style ‘drama-documentary-we-know-you-have-no-imagination-so-here-it-is-look-look-its-Admiral-Nelson’. Shankly played by Robert Carlyle! Hansen and Lawrenson played by steaming sacks of knowitallness! Steve McManaman played by a mop! What about the more recent past? Without copyright, will theatre companies up and down Merseyside be donning the red shirt with green scrolls and un-trademarked Liver bird and re-enacting that time they played Newcastle? Or worse, cutting the LFC’s profits with a new musical: Istanbul! with Marti Pellow as Stevie G?

It is time for the nonsense to stop. How is anyone to make a profit these days, for the love of God! in these dark times, unless they can gradually buy up, copyright and subsume all cultural symbols? How can you be a supporter of a team except by buying Genuine Apparel with the right badge on it? How can we be sure of our place in the world unless we have exchanged real money for it?